This week I had the privilege of visiting one of the cell groups I look after. I went along expecting to just hang out and be a bit of a bystander, intruding a little bit on their journey. The last thing I was expecting was to be blessed and spurred on. I had one of those moments where you know you were meant to be in that place, at that time, for a reason. A real God appointment.
Recently, Will and I have been talking about dreaming and how we can do that better as a couple. I need to process out loud. I need to dream with someone. With a bit of structure, space and encouragement.
So with the desire to dream together, we set a time over the holidays to cultivate the space to open up the conversation. A space to start to unwrap the dreams and vision we have together for our future. This excited me and scared me at the same time as I realised, I am not very good at dreaming. I tend to limit God and myself. I would describe myself as an idealist and visionary but it would seem when it comes to my dreams, I am at best a realist. At worst a pessimist.
Even though God has graciously let us in on a few things that will be in our future. Things that we will grow into, it feels unbelievable. Im not sure I see what God sees in me. In us. Im not sure I am deserving. I am not sure I have what it takes. But as I read Philippians 3 this week with the lovely Chloe Richards, I was reminded again about one of my favourite verses;
"Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus"
As we sat round at cell we were asked to reflect on the last year and what God has been doing. I felt a bit ashamed that I doubted the good things God has for us in the future. Doubted that he had given me the gifts I would need. Doubted that He loved me enough to bless me so richly. Because as I looked back, He has done abundantly more than I could have hoped for or imagined in the last year alone. He is doing it right now. And I am starting to have a little more faith that He will keep doing it until I get to Heaven. What I do know is that I He is spurring me on, standing on the sidelines of my journey cheering. Encouraging. Willing me to walk in to the place He is calling me.
As the last person in the cell shared, they reflected on the dreams that God had made come to pass this year. She showed us a book called "Chazown" by Craig Groeschel that helps you learn about your individual dream and vision and guides you to discover the individual call on your life. My heart started beating faster. I had that butterfly feeling that something exciting was happening. Right there, as she spoke, I knew God was there. He knew my worries of not knowing how to dream. He knew my doubts and limited faith. He knew I needed a bit of structured guidance. He spurred me on. He met me right there in the everyday.
p.s Needless to say, I went straight home and ordered the book. Cant wait to start dreaming :)