This week I have mainly been thinking about how to honour the things I most value when life is happening. In the midst of life I find the important things can sometimes be left forgotten. I can tell when life is out of kilter when I dont quite feel myself. And its often because business gets in the way of the life I want to live. It has made me realise how important time and balance is.
I want to have a life that is authentic. Where I live wholeheartedly. Vulnerably. Where there is depth and realness in connection. But so often I settle for a glimmer of the ideals I hold. I am guilty of choosing the easy route. Of switching of my brain. Of hiding. Of smiling through pain. And then a week of two down the road I realise I am a shadow of who I am created to be. I am disconnected.
I felt like I was jolted awaken whilst listening to a really interesting talk about connection, from a lady called Brene Brown that a friend sent me. The video literally made my heart beat faster as it felt like she summarised part of my journey in the last 10 years into a 20 minute talk. She talked about how connection is the reason we are here and how vulnerability is the key. Without the willingness to be vulnerable, we can never experience connection.
It made me wonder whether I feel disconnected due to being busy. Or whether business is my protection from getting too vulnerable. I find myself in a place where I dont have time to go deep. I dont have time to process the feelings that bubble just under the surface. I am too tired to have the conversations that viagra to be had. Too tired to go out or do the things I really want to do. So I switch off and subdue.
Vulnerability isnt easy. It takes courage. It means embracing your imperfection. Fighting against the nagging feeling that we dont measure up. Not pretty enough. Not holy enough. Not clever enough. Not enough. Full stop. Vulnerability means being willing to share your whole self. The good, the bad and the ugly.
I think God calls us to live an authentic, whole hearted, vulnerable life. He wants us to connect with Him and with the people around us. He doesn't want us to pretend or perfect. He calls us, just as we are, broken and bruised. He asks for our heart, no matter what its state.
So, this week I think God has shown me how to get back to a place of connection...
I need to lean on His grace, in the knowledge that I am loved. Not for what I do, or what I look like but because I am. I need to stop numbing, pretending and perfecting and just be. And for now most importantly, I need to put boundaries round my time, protecting what I value most. Connection. Connection with my Father and with the people I love.
What do you need to do?