This week I have found I'm at the end of myself. I have been running on nearly empty. I feel a little bit beaten and bruised. Im vaguely surprised that I have made it to the eve of the weekend. There have been tears shed and a few sleepless nights. There where times I doubted whether I would make it.
As my resources depleted, I found myself on my knees. And as I reached the end of myself, I found Him. This week I have clung for dear life to His promises and found them, again, to be true. The one that has been on my mind the most has been Philippians 4 v 13.
"I can do ALL things through Him who gives me strength!"
I was reminded again that its not about doing things in my own strength. God gives me everything I need for each day. The energy. The grace. The capacity. The love. The patience. The resources. The wisdom. The forgiveness. The ability. The time. The vision. The knowledge. The faith.
I sometimes feel like our culture values independence too highly. I dont mean it is a bad thing, but I wonder what putting so much importance on not needing anyone else leads to. Does it lead to having to pretend to ourselves and others that we are fine? Does it mean we only try for things that we know we can succeed in? Does it limit community and vulnerability? I dont have the answers but I know I have felt more freedom this week, despite hard situations, due to knowing it is not all down to me. It is more than a net underneath me incase I fall off the pedestal independence puts me on. It is a friend offering to walk with me through everything. It is a Father saying He will share the load of my life. It is my creator saying He knows what's ahead and asking me to trust Him.
Dependance allows us to realise our humanity. It allows us to not get it right all the time. It allows us to take a step at a time and allows us to ask for help when we need it.
I guess my challenge is to make dependance on God a daily practice, kneeling and surrendering hourly and asking his guidance for each step, rather than waiting until I'm at the end of myself.
P.S The verses at the top are for your comfort when you ever find you are at the end of yourself :)