I am a few months in to being a mother of two and I have just about caught my breath. There have been situations and circumstances that have made this adjustment just that little bit harder but it finally feels like we are getting the hang of it. At least, there are hours (sometimes maybe a day) where I think I have it all together and I am coping well. And then something happens... my eczema flares up, we get a set back on our plans, the children get ill, someone asks something of me that is more than I can give and then I am not so much coping but surviving. The guilt sets in and I am ashamed to say that for this season I. Am. Not. Coping.
You see, I have always prided myself on the fact that I can get on with things, that I keep going, that I cope. So it was a bit of a shock to learn that suddenly I cannot do all of this by myself. Of course this isn't the first thing I have found difficult. There have been tricky times before but I've got through them. And therein lies the problem. I. I have got through them. At least that is what I seem to have been telling myself. God is definitely trying to teach me a lesson here that I have, (excuse my bluntness) been too thick to learn. This time round, despite dusting myself off after each fall, the punches have kept on rolling and I am feeling done in. In this season I am having to accept help, to learn to rest, to say no and put things down. I have had to reassess priorities and put boundaries in.
And I am still wrestling with this lesson.
But despite feeling shame in not being able to do it all, although I worry what asking for help says about me. God is reminding me that there is no pride in being able to do it all, no badge of honour for being so independent you don't need anyone else. Instead He tells us that His power is made perfect in our weakness and that we should boast all the more gladly in our weaknesses so that His power can work through us (1 Corinthians 12v9). In fact, Jesus said we are blessed if we are poor in spirit (Matthew 5). It is not for us to hold it all together, to do it all in our own strength, priding ourselves on being independent and ok. It was never the point. We were designed to need each other. To need him. That's how the body works, we need each part to function like we were created to. We were never created to go it alone. Phew!
So when we can be brave enough to show up and take the risk to expose what is really going on for us, not only can we experience true community as we ask others to stand with us in it. But we also allow God to be who is he is meant to be. Our God. Our Father. Our comforter. Our provider. Our councillor. Our strength.